susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
