I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
