dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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