I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
