You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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