I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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