when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
