i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
