coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
