are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize