I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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