Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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