I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
