I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize