think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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