Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
