Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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