Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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