as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
