Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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