He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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