At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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