i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize