I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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