just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
