i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
