He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize