Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
