It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
