They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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