You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
