I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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