I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
