how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
