I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
