I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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