Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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