I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
this hospital has no fireball
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
