Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
