I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
