You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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