Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
