we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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