Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
