I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
