you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
