My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
