If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
