drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
