office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
