last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
