My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
