He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
