I swear she didn't look like that last week.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
