Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
