he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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