just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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