I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
