Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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