its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
