I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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