Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
