Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
