If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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