was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
