I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
