her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
