tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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