You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
