that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
