There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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