Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
