When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
