she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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