Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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