After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
