hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
