I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
