An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
