respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
