I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
