I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
