i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
