theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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