Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
3 2 1 whiskey
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
