I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
