I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
