How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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