You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
