I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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