How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I AM VODKA MAN
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
