Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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