i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
